its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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