Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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