I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
