I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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