Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize