well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
