I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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