fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
