her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
