Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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