Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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