I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
