imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
