quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
