oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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