Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
