Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
