Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
