when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
