i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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