You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
