people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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