I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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