; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
