i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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