You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
