I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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