how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
