do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
