Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
40s are totally the cure
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
