So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
