How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
