now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
