Swine flu. Run for my life!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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