first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
