Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize