first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
