May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
