Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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