I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
