When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
