Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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