I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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