So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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