who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
