how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
dude. I can hear the air.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
