Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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