after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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