The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
