Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize