i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
