So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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