the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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