You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
