i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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