I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
