So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't deserve a penis
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
