I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
