My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
