I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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