How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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