so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
